Self-sabotaging behavior

Why do I sabotage my own success? And how do I stop it?

How many of us have been close to a goal and suddenly we make horrible decisions, thwarting our efforts to reach what we believe is our ultimate dream?

I do this in a couple different facets of my life. Right now, the place I sabotage myself the most is with osing weight. I’ve been unhappy with my weight for as long as I can remember. As a teenager, I thought I was fat. But now, I suspect I just wasn’t “the same” as everyone else which was a bigger issue than I cared to admit. However, I have been grossly overweight for about fifteen years.

Eleven months ago, I had our third baby and I was tired of being tired all the time. It was hard work to chase my other two kids and my energy level was always non-exisitent. At that time, I decided to start working out and following a nutrition plan. It was hard, but I did great.

After 60 days, I was down 11.8 pounds and 18.75 inches. I felt amazing. I took a couple weeks off to “relax” and then started another fitness program. This one was 90 days long and I didn’t like the workout as much, but my real issue was with following the nutrition guide.

Right now, I’m 13.6 pounds lighter than I was when I started last October. I’ve been bouncing around between 171 and 168 for the last six months and I can’t figure out why. Well, I know that it’s because I’m eating crap, but I can’t figure out why I eat crap when I know that I need to eat healthy foods to reach my goal. (I’m still 40 pounds away from my goal).

Anyway, I know what I have to do to reach those goals. I have to exercise daily and eat healthy foods and stay within my calorie range. It’s not rocket science, but I’m not doing it. I go shopping to buy healthy foods and I end up buying peanut butter cup Oreos. I go out with my family to eat and I choose pizza and beer rather than grilled chicken or salmon (both of which I love).

I’ve ben trying to figure out why I self-sabotage. Why do I choose to have a Coke when I know it’s not going to help me reach my goals? Is it because I’m thrilled to be a size 8 instead of an 18? Is it really because I work so hard that I think I deserve a reward?  Or is it simply because I don’t believe I can be as small as I want? (Don’t freak out, I’m not talking crazy tiny. I just want to be fit. And in a size 6.)

I look at myself in the mirror and I’m not happy with what I see, yet it’s so much better than it was. I’m starting to think that I just don’t believe in myself. I don’t believe I can get down to a size 6, which is ridiculous. I can get my goal jeans on. I can even button and zip them. I just can’t move once they’re on.

I’ve done some reading on self-sabotaging behaviors. Sadly, I didn’t find a cure-all method. But I did realize that maybe there isn’t an answer. It wasn’t easy to lose that first 11.8 pounds, but I did it because I followed the plan exactly. That’s what I need to do to lose weight.

It’s not going to be easy, but I’m going to do it. And I’m going to follow this plan exactly as written for the next 60 days. I’m not going to weight myself until 30 days in. And on that day, I will post of my success. Because dag nab it, I CAN do this. I WILL do this.

Tomorrow is a new day, and I’ll be a new an improved me, with my healthy foods and regular workouts every day.