Not sharing!

The woman in charge is not sharing the computer. She thinks it's funny to place herself on the opposite side of a door to "work". So while she was peeing in the house (Isn't that disgusting?) I let myself into her office. I mean, clearly, someone has to update this blogue. Apparently it's going to be me. Again. Humans are such lazy slackers. Clearly my fans want regular updates about me. They're probably not as interested in the younger, stupid dogue.

I didn't really have anything important to say, but I found this picture she took of me. Apparently, she thinks it's funny when I sit outside of her office door and beg to be near her. Yes, that's probably some of my slime on the window between us. However, there are also many fingerprints and noseprints from the human children.

Don't you think it's rude that she locks me out of the room. And then takes pictures of me? She's lucky I love her. I hope it's bedtime soon.

Until next time, I'll be on the couch, ignoring her while she "works."

I've got a rough life

Hey Bitches, Andre McSnorty-Britches here. Mummy's been busy so I just thought I'd pop onto the computer and let you know we're all still alive. Like Christmas could take out a Dogue de Bordeaux. We're warriors! Gods! We'll take over the world! Right after a nap and a snuggle. Snivels and I went to the kennel for Christmas. Thank DOGUE we didn't have to do all those family visits with our humans. Ick! I'd much rather be spoiled and sleep than spend two days in the car with a bunch of crabby pants, also known as Mummy, DFF (Daddy Fuckeh Face, as I call him), Boy Child, and Girl Who Shares Meals. It was a pleasant vacation from them.

I especially enjoyed that I could lick my privates for hours without Mummy yelling, "Enough, Andre." BEST. CHRISTMAS. EVER!

Unless you think about the fact that the cheap-ass doggie hotel DFF took us to did NOT have a couch for me to lounge on. AND as if that's not blasphemous enough, they expected me to sleep on a DOG BED on the FLOOR! Hello?!? I'm not a dog! I'm a Dogue de Bordeaux. Fetch me a king-sized Tempurpedic bed, with blankets.

Oh yeah, we got to at kibble. For non-raw-fed dogs, that's like eating McDonalds. It's all right for a couple days, but boy was it great to be home and gnawing on a big ol' raw turkey leg. Yum!

We're home now. Stupid Cat attacked me this morning, just because Percy and I walked into the kitchen and that crazy-ass kitten (I'll refer to her as Mini Bitch from now on) of Boy Child's freaked out. I think Mummy's about to boot Stupid Cat's stupid butt out of the house.

Well, all this writing in human English has worn me out. I'm going back to bed. Mummy's sick, so I have to take care of her today, while DFF takes care of the human kids.

Love, Andre